Tinder *sigh*

It’s connected to Facebook so…yeah.

Yes, I downloaded the Tinder app.

I was waist deep in burger and fries around midnight with a friend.

She told me she was 100% single.

Not only did she coin the most brilliant, accurate phrase of all time (“I’m 100% single”) but she showed me an interesting article written by a black woman who downloaded Tinder.

This woman messaged and flirted around, until she began to connect with this one particular guy. They talked about music and film and everything was remote clicks until he hit her with the dreaded comment – you know, the one that comes in many forms but in this case was “I’ve never been with a black girl”.

Yes, he was white.

So we were going in on this and eventually the conversation centered back on feeling lame because of our love lives. (It was Valentine’s Day weekend people – don’t judge us!) Then we got the brilliant idea to download the app for ourselves. At best – maybe we could meet someone decent. At worst – a funny story and the basic validation of some cute guy also thinking we were cute.

No one loses!

The experiment lasted about a month and a half, with my friend deleting the app just a couple weeks before I did. And at best – it was a funny story, basic validation, and in one case 270+ notes on Tumblr.

Here is a list of the top 7 lessons I’ve learned from Tinder and online dating.

282 notes and counting, thanks Daniel!

1. If you receive derogatory, abusive, or explicit sexual advances, just block the person. Or if you’re feeling a little bold, treat the mess outta him/her and post it on social media.

Now, there are some people you just can’t hate on. The whole process of Tinder is superficial so you can’t be surprised that some – if not most – people are just looking for hookups or an arranged friends with benefits type schedule.

So while I never hated on the guys who after a few messages would hint at a sexual relationship, I was somewhat frustrated by the few guys who skipped the “Hi my name is” and went straight to “Why haven’t we had sex yet?”

In this case, I decided that I’d have a few words with Daniel (shame too cause he was really cute) instead of blocking him. He did the blocking for me, but that was after I screenshot the exchange and blasted it on Tumblr.

2. Whose baby is that?
ATTENTION: if you take a picture with a baby, let the viewer know your relationship to that baby.

Cute, but like, is that you?

This is a dating site. Yes, I expect to know whether or not that is your baby or someone else’s. That could be your cute niece or Goddaughter, but I have no way of knowing.

I’m a 19 year old broke but selfish college student. No babies.

3. You are hilarious, but no.
Every now and again you’ll just run into someone hilarious. If there was a way to message them saying “Hey man, I’m not interested in the least – but you are a funny person. Keep bringing people joy!” without getting matched with that person, I would. But you can’t. So no. Next.

From left to right: Black Myspace Tom, Murrica jr., and Beef Cake.
I can spot at least 5 reasons why this is terrifying,
can you?

4.  You may very well be the sweetest person ever, but I’d rather be shot in the streets and left for dead than spend two minutes in this terrifying space.
And every now and again you run into someone that scares you, not so much because of the person himself/herself – but where that person is.

No thank you no thank you NO THANK YOU!



Yes, this was one of the profile pictures of a black 19yo.
I will let you count the reasons why this time.

5. If you are a woman of color, it’s okay to feel uncomfortable with the number of white girls in pictures with this particular man of color, or any other paraphernalia promoting this idea.
Now Olivia, why would it matter if he were in pictures with white women? Don’t you support interracial dating? And if it’s for the right reasons, what can be wrong about this?

You are right hypothetical person calling me out. There is nothing wrong with posting pictures with white women. They could even just be good friends.

However, and women of color feel free to chime in on this, there is something unsettling about seeing a man of color surrounded by white women and white women only. It’s important to have relationships with other people of color, so it’s disheartening in many ways – not just in a romantic or attraction way – to see this man only socializing and forming relationships with white women.

And because white women are considered the standard for everything woman in this society (not to mention the ultimate in everything woman) it’s discouraging to women of color to know that they cannot compete with this idea of beauty and appeal if white women are the only women this man chooses to be around.

6. Not that there are many men of color on here…I think? Why all these white dudes, yo? 
I don’t know if there just aren’t many black men on Tinder, or in my vicinity, or in my age range – but white dudes were the majority of my deck, and ultimately the majority of my matches. Tinder was pretty much the online representation of my college campus.

7. This app is 50% what you make of it, 20% unwanted sexual inquiries, and 30% boredom fixes.
I wouldn’t doubt if I played Tinder wrong. Or maybe Tinder played me wrong.

I had some interesting conversations, got matched with some beautiful, beautiful men (to which I ask myself “Could I be that beautiful, too” – but I still have no clue. Here’s dreaming…) and met some interesting weirdos. At one point I was asked out by a cool and respectful music major. We exchanged numbers and texted – but it ultimately fizzled out into nothing.

At the end of the day, Tinder just isn’t for me.

If my goal was to get laid – I would be swimming in options. (I have my theories about this, and while I may be reading too heavily into things I think all these (white) men hitting me up mostly stemmed from seeing a brown, grown woman body. If you have a grown woman body, people assume you’re doing grown women things – even if you’re still technically a teenager. There may be another post on this later.)

I hope I gave you some insight into the Tinder app or at the very least an interesting story. Ultimately, this is my very particular experience. My personality and yes, demographics makes this a very specific experience. I can’t promise anyone that these will or will not be their results.

But if you ever get bored or just need to pass the time during a poop – Tinder on.

This is,
MAB
P.S. Have any of you tried Tinder, Grindr, or anything else similar? What was your experience?
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