One Day I’ll Finally Poop Myself: A List of Sad Things


Things that make me sad, in no particular order:

  • Not having a dog – still
  • Knowing one day I will poop myself in public – I’ve had too many close calls.
  • O’Grady was canceled after just two seasons – relatedly, The-N was taken over by Teen Nick.
  • Tripping up uneven sidewalks
  • Making a really stupid sound after tripping up uneven sidewalks

  • Shaving my legs but then wearing pants because I planned things wrong
  • Wearing pants
  • Showering and then realizing you do need to poop
  • Not flossing
  • Flossing
  • All these likes but no comments – I’m looking at you.
  • Knowing Black Don’t Crack but I still won’t look like Angela Bassett – ever.
  • When my twist out ain’t poppin
  • When my twist out is uncontrollably poppin
  • Knowing some people ain’t never heard Chris Brown’s “Poppin” – that’s the best joint on his first album though, honestly.
  • Knowing Chris Brown could do better – do better, Chris Brown. We want you to succeed.
  • Student loans
  • Students
  • Studies
  • Studying
  • The people actually giving Igloo Australia their hard-earned coins
  • Igloo Australia
  • The closest outlet is some feet away and I didn’t bring the extension cord for my Mac charger
  • Raising a baby boy and explaining why the world hates him
  • Raising a baby girl and explaining why the world erases her
  • Skinny white babies – like I’m really sorry, it’s not your fault, I hope you bake some more later.
  • All this milk and no cereal
  • All this cereal and no milk
  • All these sauces and no food
  • All this food and no sauces
  • Black girls who haven’t realized they are a part of the dopest set of female presence on the planet
  • The word “normal”
  • “Lightly seasoned” – why did you even try in the first place? Why are you so wasteful? Why?
  • All the f*ckboys who want to do better but lack all capabilities to do better – just go home.
  • This list

This is,


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